


Start Your Engines

by RubyCaspar



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: AU - Drag Queens, AU - RuPaul's Drag Race, David is a drag queen, M/M, gratuitous use of of Drag Race lingo, makeover challenge, misspelling the word work, the Roses are still rich
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24028735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RubyCaspar/pseuds/RubyCaspar
Summary: Drag Race AU.David is through to the top six of RuPaul's Drag Race, and it's time for the makeover challenge. He's assigned man with the actual most boring-sounding job in the world, Patrick Brewer, to turn into a drag queen in just two days. This is totally, completely fine, he can do this - even if Patrick does have an annoying habit of teasing him in front of RuPaul.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 20
Kudos: 71





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is a result of excessive reading of Schitt's Creek fanfic in recent weeks mixed with my love of Drag Race, and might seem an odd choice for my very first SC fic but... oh well.  
> While I don't really go into the specifics and have taken many liberties, I have set this fic in the current season of Drag Race, literally so I didn't have to come up with loads of drag queen names/personalities. Of course that means that two of queens in the actual top six have been given the boot to make room for David and (sorry) Sebastien, and for this I chose Sherry Pie (obv) and Jackie Cox - literally because it was between her and Heidi, and I just love Heidi so much. Sorry Jackie.  
> I do know quite a lot about Drag Race, but I am by no means an expert and am sure to get lots wrong - sorry in advance. My plan is for this story to be the first in a trilogy, which is all mapped out. So let's hope there's some Drag Race love out there in the SC fandom.

David’s five minute warning alarm chirped at him as he was just putting the finishing touches to his hair. He might not have his phone (god, he missed his phone) but he’d made sure to invest in a digital alarm clock with a myriad of settings to make sure he stayed on track to be ready on time in the mornings. No way was he being hauled out of his hotel room by some jobsbody production assistant before he’d had time to complete his skincare regimen or perfect his hair. 

Of course, most days, his hair ended up ruined within half an hour of arriving in the Werk Room. Honestly, once this was over, he never wanted to hear the words _quick drag_ ever again. 

David smoothed down the front of his lined Neil Barrett sweater, nodded his head, and checked his bag one more time. They were about to start filming the new episode that day, so he didn’t know exactly what to prepare for, but he made sure he had a change of clothes and some snacks at least. He zipped up the bag, quickly thinking through which challenges they still needed to do. They hadn’t done the Reading Challenge yet - David had made sure to practise for that one the night before, editing his prepared reads on the remaining contestants and perfecting his delivery. There was also the Puppet Challenge - David had sketches of ideas for how to drag up a puppet for each of the other five contestants. As for maxi challenges, aside from the music video challenge that usually happened in the final studio episode, the only other one that always happened that was left to do was the makeover challenge, which he already had the outfits for. All in all, he was as prepared as he could possibly be. 

There was a firm knock on his hotel room door, and David took a deep breath, grabbed his bag, slid his hotel keycard into the side pocket, picked up his waiting thermos mug, and opened the door. 

Sebastien’s door, directly opposite, opened a split second after his. This had happened every single day since their first day in the hotel. Every. Single. One. The peepholes on their doors were taped over, so David was one hundred percent sure at this point that Sebastien stood with his ear pressed against his door listening to time it, just to fuck with David. 

It had worked at first. The shock of watching Sebastian fucking Raine saunter into the Werk Room two queens after him in the first episode had been compounded by his smug face being the first one David saw every morning, his smirk telling David all he needed to know about how Sebastien felt about this little game. David had spent the first couple of weeks flustered, and annoyed about being flustered, until a win had settled his nerves and Sebastien had annoyed enough of the other contestants to make David feel he had allies in the Werk Room. He’d exorcised his demons about Sebastien in the Confessionals, and now he felt nothing but contempt for the man. 

Well, maybe he was still a little bit annoyed. It was just something about his face.  
  


David had perfected the art of turning sharply and heading down the hallway as quickly as possible without a glance at Sebastien, leaving him to trail in his wake, which was fine. Well, not _fine_ \- sometimes he would catch up and stride alongside him, sometimes he would walk just one step behind, so close David could practically feel his breath on his neck. 

Whatever. It was a new day, a new challenge, and David had made it to the top six of RuPaul’s Drag Race. 

He was riding high.

They put on their blindfolds by the elevators and were led to the underground carpark to board the minibus. What had been completely unnatural at first seemed completely normal now, and they were on board within minutes.

The coffee worked its magic as the minibus shuttled them from the hotel to the studio. The windows were blacked out, but even so the bright LA sun was doing its best to get into the van. Now that there were only six of them left they had more space to spread out, which David infinitely preferred. Not that he didn’t like his fellow queens - actually, with the exception of Sebastien, they were perfectly acceptable and in some cases worthy competitors - but he liked to use the short bus ride to centre himself, and that was easier to do when they had space. 

It helped that they weren’t allowed to talk to each other on the bus, and David gratefully soaked up the silence. 

This being the tenth episode, they all knew the deal when they arrived at the studio, and the six of them were prepped, miced and ready to enter the Werk Room within fifteen minutes. They filmed the entrance twice - David entering arm-in-arm with Gigi - and then gathered around a table as always. They chatted a little about the elimination last week and what they could expect from this week’s challenge, and David could tell that they were all as impatient as he was to find out what they’d be doing. The producers often made them repeat snippets of this conversation, but today they were soon interrupted by the klaxons announcing Ru’s arrival, and the door at the other end of the room was opening, without even a recorded message first. 

“Hello hello hello!” 

David and the queens lined up, and it became apparent very quickly that this was indeed going to be the makeover challenge. Ru was giving a speech about the business side of the Drag Race empire and all of the people it took to make that happen, and something about businessmen and fostering an appreciation of the art of drag. David was listening - he was, of course he was - but his mind was also racing ahead, thinking of the outfits he’d brought with him for this challenge, flicking through his mental rolodex of make-up techniques and considering the wigs he had that would help to create a family resemblance. It was a while since he’d properly put a newbie into drag, but he’d practised make-up looks on a reluctant Stevie the week before coming to LA - he knew this would be coming, after all. 

The Werk Room doors opened and in trooped six men. As always, there was a mix of body type and race, but they all had the same kind of look to them - with their polos, crisply-laundered shirts, crew neck zip-ups, chinos and mid-range denim they all screamed _business major_. 

Which was the point of the challenge.

They filmed the entrance again - the six men seemed a little confused; they were clearly not prepared for how inorganic reality television actually is - and the queens offered cheery hellos and welcomes several times before the producers were satisfied. 

Ru told them to introduce themselves, there was a brief pause while the cameras got into better positions, and the first man in the line spoke up. 

“Hi, I’m Patrick Brewer,” he said. David could tell he was Canadian from the very first syllable out of his mouth. “I’m a New Business Consultant with Follet and Walsh in New York, who are the Corporate Accountancy firm for World of Wonder Productions.” 

David’s mouth twisted. _Oof._ A consultant with a corporate accountancy firm. David wondered if all of the men’s jobs were that dense. 

The cameras were moving again, and David caught the eye of the first guy - Patrick - and to his surprise the man gave him an amused smile, as if he knew exactly what David was thinking. Given the expression on David’s face, it was probably hard not to tell. David quickly tried to school his expression into something a little more neutral, feeling flustered at being caught out, and gave the man a quick smile in return before turning his attention to the second man introducing himself. 

It turned out that their jobs _were_ all as dull as Patrick’s, though David tried his hardest not to let his thoughts show on his face. He glanced back at Patrick, and once again found himself meeting the man’s eye, and once again saw his mouth twitch into what David thought was almost a smirk. So, clearly, he wasn’t being successful. 

The introductions took a while - the men weren’t all as smooth as Patrick on their first try - and David found himself unable to stop looking back at Patrick. I mean, they were standing directly opposite each other, so it was kind of hard to _not_ look at him, and every time he saw that amused little grin on his face, David found himself more and more flustered and aware of what his face was doing. He bit the inside of his bottom lip, trying his hardest to keep his eyes trained on the last two men in the line, and managed to wrestle his face into a polite smile as they explained their extremely soul-destroyingly-dull jobs. 

Patrick gave him a very slight, but very approving nod when David caught his eye again, and it was all David could do not to huff in annoyance. The cameras were resetting again, and this time David stood his ground, looking over Patrick with a critical eye. He was one of the mid-range denim specimens - straight leg - which a crisp, dark blue button-down shirt tucked in neatly and - dear god - a braided leather belt. Which didn’t even match his shoes. His hair was so short it was barely even a style.

It was a good colour though, a kind of russet brown. And his shirt - which stretched nicely over his wide shoulders - was rolled up to his elbows, revealing toned forearms. His hideous belt at least helped to accentuate his trim hips, and the cut of the denim did cling to his thickly muscled thighs. His eyes, which were still shining with amusement, were a warm brown. 

So, okay, it was objectively tragic, but it all kind of worked for him. 

God, Bob hadn’t been lying when he’d said that you’d start salivating over every man that walked into the Werk Room by the end… 

“Jaida, since you won last week’s maxi challenge, you get to assign our men of business to the queens.” 

David dragged his attention away from Patrick and back to Ru, before turning to look down the line at Jaida, who was sizing up the men with a smirk. David had been so caught up in his staring match with Patrick that he’d paid barely any attention to the other men, but he looked them over now. Really, there were only two that David felt he would struggle to work with, purely based on body type and the outfits he’d brought with him for the challenge. There was one man - James? Jamie? - who had beautiful cheekbones and legs up to here, but David knew Jaida would snatch him up for herself. 

Which she did. Immediately. (It turns out his name was Ethan. David really hadn’t been paying much attention.) 

Jaida then started pairing up the queens with the men - David could see right away that she seemed to be trying to match them based on their looks, rather than be shady about it, but there wasn’t a really obvious way of doing it. She gave the tallest one to Sebastien, but then stalled, staring up and down the line. 

(This would get edited out, David knew, as would the reminders of the men’s names so that Jaida sounded like she’d remembered them all on her own.)

David looked back at Patrick, who was watching what was happening down the line with something akin to worry. Or nervousness. Something, anyway, that seemed at odds with the calm, amused exterior he’d exuded at the start of all this. His arms were folded over his chest (he really did have very nice forearms) and his shoulders were a little hunched. 

As if sensing that David was watching him, Patrick looked back at him. This time, David found himself giving Patrick an encouraging smile, and he saw the man’s shoulders drop slightly. David didn’t consider himself a generally comforting person, so felt quite gratified that he’d been able to help. 

Then Jaida’s voice cut through his thoughts: “Patrick, I’m going to pair you with Cary.” 

_Oh god._

David wasn’t sure what to feel. On the one hand, he’d be easy enough to drag up - a simple skin tone, minimal facial hair, expressive eyes, wide shoulders like David’s which would help with the outfits he’d brought. On the other - now he was going to have to deal with that knowing, amused smile for two whole days. 

Patrick blinked at the sound of his name, looking first at Jaida and then down the line of queens, his eyes coming to rest back on David who smirked at him and beckoned him over with a finger. Patrick let out an amused huff, ducking his head with a smile that David found weirdly endearing, and then walked over to David who, knowing what was expected of him, welcomed him with literally open arms.

Patrick gingerly wrapped his arms around David’s back, and David found that he was the perfect height for him to wrap his arms around his shoulders for a hug, so he reeled him in. They pulled apart and Patrick looked up at David, that amused glint back in his eye.

“Hi,” Patrick said. 

David felt a strange desire to grin, and he twisted his lips to tamp down on the urge. “Hi yourself,” he said. 

David positioned Patrick next to him and threaded his left arm through Patrick’s right, before putting his right hand on Patrick’s shoulder for good measure. It was a lot closer than David generally liked to get with strangers without a few drinks in him first, but he didn’t want to look aloof for the cameras. 

Besides, seriously, his shoulders really were spectacular. 

Jaida finished the pairings, the cameras repositioned, and Ru gave them all a big smile. Since he was plastered to Patrick’s side, David could feel that he was starting to tense up again, and he found himself rubbing a soothing circle on his shoulder. Once again, Patrick relaxed slightly, and David squeezed his arm reassuringly. 

“Now remember, I’m looking for a strong family resemblance,” Ru said. “So - gentleman, start your engines. And may the best woman win.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here I am with chapter 2... Three months later. This chapter was just so slow to write for some reason, and then I got very very busy with work and moving home and adopting a kitten (who is named after a Drag Queen...) and, yeah. I'm really sorry! 
> 
> Anyway, should have more time for writing now, so I don't see a three month gap again, but no promises ;-)

They filmed Ru’s exit a few times before the producers were satisfied, and were then directed to the tables that they had been allocated for the challenge: since there were only six of them left, there were enough for each pair to get a table of their own. David kept an eye on his partner through it all, and saw that even though the man tried to give off nothing but confidence in his expression and body language, there was an underlying tension around his eyes and mouth, and in the way he rocked on his heels and kept his hands in the pockets of his terrible jeans. 

He was clearly nervous, which was hardly a surprise - what was surprising was the feeling of protectiveness that David felt towards him. He could definitely relate to the concept of trying to hide behind a mask of confidence. 

They slid onto stools set side-by-side, a camera fixed on them from the other side of the pink table. Patrick’s eyes were wide as he took in the crew dotted around the room, and David gave him an encouraging smile when he looked back at him.

“So… hi,” he said. 

The confident smile made a return and David had to hand it to him - it was a good smile. “Hi,” he said. He cocked his head to one side. “You’re David Rose, right?”

David blinked, surprised. It wasn’t like he didn’t get recognised, his family were just notorious enough for some face recognition - but he wouldn’t have expected a man who worked as a… whatever-terrible-job-it-was.... to be well-versed in B-List celebrity culture.

He cleared his throat a little awkwardly. “Um, yes. I am,” he said. “We don’t really go by our boy names here though. And we generally use female pronouns on the show too.”

“Right, sorry, I did know that,” Patrick said, looking sheepish. “So it’s Cary?”

“Yeah. Well, that’s my nickname,” David explained. “It’s short for Apothecary.”  
  
“Apothecary?”

“That’s my drag name. The Rose Apothecary.”  
  
“That’s interesting,” Patrick said, actually sounding like he was telling the truth. “Where did you get that from?”

“Well, my drag shows are kind of like an apothecary - like a little bit of everything but at the same time really specific,” said David, “an immersive experience that encourages reinvention and invigoration, alchemy and change.”

Patrick was nodding slowly. “Well, that’s a lot of buzzwords,” he said with a sly smile. David opened his mouth indignantly but Patrick spoke up again before he could say anything: “but I like it.”

“Thank you,” David said, magnanimously deciding to let the ‘buzzword’ comment slide.

Patrick’s smile widened, giving David a split-second warning that he was about to be zinged. “It’s just pretentious enough.”  
  
David’s jaw dropped, and he heard a snigger from somewhere in the crew. “Wow. Okay.” He narrowed his eyes at Patrick, who looked absolutely delighted with himself. “You’re very mouthy for someone who’s relying on me to do their makeup on national television.”

Patrick full-on grinned at that. “Well, we have to have a resemblance, right?” He said. “So I guess I’ll have to rely on your competitive spirit to make sure my make-up is good.”

David pursed his lips. “What makes you so sure that I’m competitive?” 

Patrick just shrugged. “Takes one to know one, I guess.” 

David narrowed his eyes in response, but didn't say anything. He glanced at the crew capturing their conversation - the cameraman and boom mic operator were both grinning as they listened, and a young assistant producer that David hadn’t managed to learn the name of was scribbling furiously on her clipboard, and was also smiling to herself. David knew that the assistant producers made meticulous notes on any moments they thought were worthy of being included in the final edit - they also had the job of making sure there were useful takes of everything that might end up being included, so they were the ones who made the queens repeat everything over and over. Clearly, she was enjoying their banter.

She didn't say anything about repeating their conversation now, though, so David quickly changed the subject. He talked Patrick through his initial ideas - they’d been told in advance of filming that the makeover episode this year wouldn’t be one that they created outfits from scratch for, as they often were, and so all of the queens had come to the show with looks for this particular challenge ready. David was planning on riffing on his signature black and white colour scheme with a kind of Yin and Yang design on their dresses in complementary shades. Patrick nodded and asked some surprisingly not-stupid questions. 

David took Patrick over to where his clothes were stored, and showed Patrick the outfits - both of which were a loose fit designed to be tailored once David knew who he was making over. 

“Have you ever worn heels?” He asked Patrick, who was looking at some of David’s padding with a look of mingled interest and terror.

Patrick tore his eyes away from David’s second-best breasts to look at the seven-inch heels in David’s hands. He quirked an eyebrow. “Well, kind of,” he said. He smiled ruefully. “I had to wear heeled platform boots in a production of _Joseph and his Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat_ in college.”

David smirked. “Who did you play?”

“The Pharaoh.”

David had seen _Joseph_ before, and somehow his mind had no trouble conjuring the idea of Patrick in the role, gyrating across the stage. David shook his head slightly to clear the image. “So you can dance?” He asked.

Patrick looked even more rueful now. “Uhh… I can do a bad Elvis impression?”

David nodded. “It’s a start.”

It was a time-honoured _Drag Race_ tradition to get the make-over-ees to have a go at walking in heels and capture it all on camera, and so David didn’t need the assistant producer to prompt him. He sat Patrick down and helped him into a pair of the spare shoes provided - simple pull-on pumps, only four inches high, to get him started. 

Patrick wobbled a bit as he stood up, and he gripped David’s hand tightly when he reached out to steady him. The heels brought Patrick up to David’s eye level, and for a brief moment they were very close, face to face, and David found himself noting the amber specks in Patrick’s brown eyes. He had surprisingly long eyelashes as well - they were light, so you could only see them when up close. And they were definitely close. 

David blinked and stepped back slightly, and Patrick also took a step back, and the moment was broken. Not that it was, you know, a _moment,_ moment. It was just a, well, moment. Of time. 

_Anyway_.

David cleared his throat and let go of Patrick’s hand. “Try and walk,” he prompted him. Patrick shot him a grin. 

“Will you catch me?” He asked. 

David shook his head. “No, but I promise I won’t laugh.”

Patrick huffed, but he looked amused. “Oh, no, that’s too much to ask,” he said dryly. 

David hid his smile. “What can I say, I’m a giver,” he said. Patrick grinned, and then started walking. 

And he was… actually not that bad. He wasn’t about to win any awards for his strut or anything, but after the first few steps he found his balance and he was able to walk without wobbling at least - which was more than could be said for Jaida and Gigi’s partners on the other side of the room. 

David gave Patrick some pointers, which he was obviously trying to take on board, but it wasn’t until Jaida and David started heckling each other across the room, teasing each other about their partners’ progress, that Patrick really started going for it. He quickly shook off the wobble. 

David grinned. He really _was_ competitive. 

After a little while they divested Patrick of his heels and did a quick fitting for his padding and his dress. David went into full-on dressmaker mode, buzzing around Patrick pinning things into place and making adjustments. The cameras followed them but the assistant producer didn’t really pay too close attention - these moments rarely made it into the episode. Patrick seemed to understand the need to let him concentrate, and kept his teasing comments to a minimum. Or maybe he was feeling a bit self-conscious about stripping down to his boxers and having padding and various swathes of bedazzled fabric draped around him. 

Not that he had any need to be self-conscious, with those shoulders and those hips and those thighs… 

Not that David noticed anything like that. 

David concentrated on his pinning. 

That took them up to lunch - Patrick stuck close to his side while they ate, but David noticed how free and easy he was in his conversation with everyone around them. He also noticed that Patrick didn’t seem to be teasing the others the way he’d teased David, and he wondered if that first conversation had been a blip, because he’d been nervous to get started. 

Which was fine. It wasn’t like David _enjoyed_ being called pretentious. 

They were settled down at their table again after lunch, Patrick watching intently as David sewed rhinestones onto the newly-altered hemline of a gown (and occasionally handing David the scissors), when the assistant producer spoke up. “Cary - why don’t you ask Patrick about his job?”

Patrick snorted. “I love how natural this is,” he said.

David smirked. “Putting the real in reality TV,” he quipped. Patrick smiled that amazing smile again, and David had to drag his eyes away and back down to what he was meant to be doing. He cleared his throat.

“So you’re a….” his voice trailed off, and he frowned. “Business… person?”

Patrick chuckled. “A new business consultant,” he said. “Basically I work with people whose businesses are less than a year old to make sure their accountancy procedures are running efficiently, and liaise between them and the firm until they’re fully established.”

David’s hands stilled, as he tried to think of something to ask in response. He’d hoped for something deep and insightful, but honestly that sounded so unbelievably boring that the best he could manage was to ask: “and do you enjoy it?”

Patrick nodded. “I do, yeah,” he said. “I really enjoy seeing how passionate people are about their businesses, and it’s fulfilling to help people make their dreams a reality. And the math geek in me enjoys getting to set up the fiduciary structures and run the cost analyses and actualise projections…” his voice trailed off and he grinned at David. “Wow, your eyes have literally glazed over.”

David blinked, and quickly shook his head to rid himself of the stupor that he’d absolutely slipped into as Patrick talked. “I’m sorry, it was just the math talk,” he said hurriedly. He didn’t want Patrick to think he was judging him for enjoying those things - in fact, he’d liked listening to him speak about helping people. But as soon as he heard the word ‘fiduciary’... 

Luckily, Patrick didn’t seem offended - he was watching David with a smile that was amused and… kind of _fond._

David looked down at his sewing, unable to bear the look for more than a few seconds. “I’ve never had a good head for business,” he said.

“I’m sure your head is great.”

David huffed. How the hell was he supposed to get anything done when his makeover partner was sitting there talking about helping people and teasing him and smiling at him and unconsciously making innuendos - 

He looked up and saw that Patrick’s smile had turned into a full-on smirk. 

Oh. So. Not so unconscious then. 

_What the fuck_ was David supposed to do with _that_? 

“Wow,” David said, giving Patrick an incredulous look. 

Patrick grinned. “Aren’t you supposed to say that you’ve never had any complaints?” David’s eyes widened, and Patrick just laughed. “What? I’ve watched the show.”

“Clearly,” David said flatly.  
  
Patrick nudged him gently with his elbow. “Try to keep up.”

David just shook his head. Ordinarily he would have a comeback ready - he was a professional drag queen for god’s sake, he basically made his living from having comebacks ready - but there was just something about Patrick’s delighted grin that made him feel too flustered to think of anything. He just knew that whatever he said, _Patrick_ was going to have something else to say ready. So, considering that their every move was being filmed for national television, it was probably safer to just disengage.  
  
Unfortunately, the assistant producer had other ideas. David really needed to learn her name. 

“We’re going to do that again,” she said, making notes on her clipboard. “Just the end. It was great, but Cary can we get a take with you actually replying with the no complaints line? We can decide what to use in the edit.”

Urgh. David should have known. “Sure,” he said. He glanced at Patrick and saw that he was shaking his head slightly. “You get used to it,” he said quietly. Patrick quirked his eyebrows at David and nodded.  
  
“Go from the ‘I’m sorry, I’ve’ -”

“Yeah,” David said. He took a deep breath and looked down at his sewing, ready to give Patrick the set up again. Maybe this time, _Patrick_ would be the one left feeling flustered. 

“I’m sorry, I’ve never had a good head for business.”  
  
“I’m sure your head is great.”

David looked up and looked directly into Patrick’s eyes, his mouth twisting into a smirk. “I’ve never had any complaints,” he said, his voice low. 

To his delight, Patrick’s cheeks went noticeably pink as he glanced down at David’s mouth, but then he was making eye contact again. “I’ll bet,” he said, his voice pitched just as low as David’s. 

_Fuck_. 

David’s mind went completely blank. Well, not completely - his mind was supplying him with lots of unhelpful potential scenarios in which Patrick could put that goddamn voice of his to good use, was imagining ways in which to prove the man right in his assumption, and was frantically thanking every deity in existence that the table they were sat at hid his very physical reaction from the cameras. 

It was just that his mind wasn't being very helpful in giving him anything to actually _say._

Patrick smirked at his dumbfounded reaction, and David scowled. “Hand me the glue gun,” he said, disgruntled.

Patrick grinned. “Sure thing.”

The assistant producer was practically bouncing in her excitement as she wrote notes on her clipboard, and David sighed. 

Stevie was never going to let him live this down. 


	3. Chapter three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I’m sorry for the delay! Life is very busy at the moment.

By mid-afternoon, David had absolutely no idea what to make of Patrick Brewer. 

Any other man, David would assume he was flirting. He took any opportunity to tease David, a knowing glint in his eye and a smirk on his lips. He dropped innuendo into the conversation so often it was as if he’d already had drag queen training. He complimented David’s sewing, and design, and ideas. Quite honestly, David wasn’t used to so much positive reinforcement in such a condensed period of time, and he wasn’t sure what to do with it. 

But David couldn’t bring himself to actually believe that Patrick was flirting with him. Or doing it intentionally, at least. 

The man was an  _ accountant _ , a  _ business major.  _ He wore mid-range denim and a shirt that looked like it’d been pulled off the rack at some big box store. He had a haircut that screamed straight white boy. He played baseball on the weekend. 

There was no way he was actually into David. If it seemed like flirting, it was just David’s imagination… or, probably more likely, the man was just a troll. 

A very self-confident, unfortunately sexy troll who had clearly worked out how to push David’s buttons. 

And so, when it was eventually time for Ru’s walk-through, David was feeling decidedly flustered and trying very hard not to show it. He wasn't sure how well he was succeeding. 

David was about ready to do another fitting of Patrick’s gown, but the producers announced the walk-through was about to happen, and so David stayed where he was at the table, putting finishing touches on the rhinestone embellishments so Patrick didn’t have to have a conversation with Ru while wearing nothing but his underwear and some padding. . 

“What happens now?” Patrick asked him quietly, as the cameras and crew all repositioned themselves for Ru’s entrance. 

“Ru will come round and talk to all of us in turn about what we’re planning, how it’s going, etcetera,” David told him. He cocked his head to one side. “I thought you watched the show?”

Patrick smiled. “It’s pretty different experiencing it in person,” he said, and David had to agree with that. 

Ru entered the room with a cheery “hello hello hello!”, and began to make his way from table to table. David kept working on the dresses, but he kept an ear open for what the other queens were saying. It sounded like Jaida was on it, and Gigi sounded confident as well, which was hardly a surprise in a fashion challenge. Sebastien gave Ru some bullshit about bringing out his partner’s ‘inner dereliction of self’ which had David fighting not to roll his eyes - he saw a look of confusion on Patrick’s face next to him and smirked. 

At least he wasn’t the only one who thought Sebastien sounded like a moron. 

Soon enough, Ru was making his way over to them, and David gave Patrick an encouraging smile before putting down his sewing and sitting up straighter. 

“Hi you two,” Ru said, approaching their table. Suddenly there were three cameras capturing the moment instead of just the one. 

“Hi Ru,” David and Patrick chorused together. 

Ru asked David a couple of standard questions about his plans, and how he was going to ensure there was a resemblance, that kind of thing - the Ru conversations were always a lot longer than was shown in the episode; they would just pick the best twenty seconds for the final edit. David was pretty used to the walk-throughs by now, and just concentrated on not saying anything too controversial, or coming across like a complete asshole like Sebastien seemed to go out of his way to do. 

Ru eventually turned to Patrick.

“So Patrick, how are you finding working with Cary?”

Patrick smiled, and it might have only been half a day, but David already knew that smile well enough to know that someone was about to get roasted. He didn’t think it would be Ru.

“Great,” Patrick said. “She’s bossy, but I’m used to being put to work by the Rose family.” Patrick’s smile widened as he paused, presumably for effect. “My first job in high school was at a Rose Video.” 

Ru gasped. “You’re kidding!”

David had frozen. Okay, this wasn’t too bad. Yet. But Patrick looked  _ way  _ too pleased with himself still, and was pointedly not looking at him. 

“Nope,” Patrick said, grinning. “That’s how I recognised Cary actually - you see, there were these employee training videos -”

David groaned and covered his face with his hands. “Oh dear god -”

“-and I remember one about recommending appropriate material to teens, and  _ Cary _ here played a customer who-” 

David shook his head, his face still covered. “Stop, please, I am  _ begging _ you,” he said, peeking out between his fingers.

Patrick blinked at him, the picture of innocence. “You were inspiring in that video, Cary - the world needs to know.” 

David dropped his hands. “I know you think you’re funny, but they’re gonna find that video now. They’ll put it in the episode.”

“Don’t be silly Cary, we won’t have time to show an employee trainee video in the episode,” Ru said. A beat. “We’ll play it in the reunion episode.” 

He laughed. Patrick laughed. David faceplanted on the table and stayed there as Ru said his goodbyes and left. There was a lot of laughter around him. 

After a few moments, David took a deep breath and sat back up. Patrick had turned to look at David, looking so smug that David just wanted to… to… well, he didn’t know exactly, but he really wanted to do something about it. 

He settled for glaring. “You’re a menace.”

Patrick just laughed again, and then winked. Well, he tried to wink, but his winking game was about as good as Alexis’, and the ridiculousness of it had David twisting his lips to the side to hide his smile. Patrick glanced down at David’s mouth and then away at the wigs on the table, and David noted that the back of his neck was kind of pink. 

Well. 

Huh. 

Patrick looked back at him, and the grin had faded a bit. “Sorry, I’ll be good,” he said. “I promise - you have my word as a four-time Rose Video Employee of the Month.”

David rolled his eyes and couldn’t help but huff out a little laugh. 

Yep - he was definitely a menace

***

David was  _ exceptionally  _ relieved to get back to his hotel room that evening. This wasn't exactly unusual given how stressful the competition could get, but recently, as the weeks had worn on, the hotel room had also felt like something akin to a jail cell.

At that moment, though, it felt like a sanctuary. Somewhere he could relax and breathe and just have  _ two seconds _ away from that smirk and those eyes and those forearms and  _ urgh _ .

It had been bad enough that morning, but manageable, and then of course Ru had had to go and announce that as well as their runway presentations they also had to do a lip sync performance. Which wasn't exactly  _ unexpected _ , but it meant that a good chunk of the afternoon had been given over to rehearsing. So David had had to come up with a routine and teach it to Patrick, which had involved touching his shoulders to position him and holding his arm to steady him as he got used to the heels, and Patrick had been funny and cocky and yet somehow bashful too? and he’d been teasing and blushing and breathing heavily and generally just making David feel... things. 

Despite all the… everything… David had thought that he’d actually done a pretty good job of hiding how flustered he was in Patrick’s company. He had a long history of having to hide his feelings, and while, in the past, therapists had told him that this wasn’t generally a Good Thing, it had certainly been helpful that day. They’d got to the end of the day, and Patrick and the others had gone back to the hotel. Patrick had left David with a wide smile and a sincere thank you which, who does that? But it was fine.

The contestants finished each day with their confessionals, which involved needing to get changed into their talking head outfit and then sit in a small booth under hot lights with no air con, trying to give entertaining answers to probing questions for up to an hour. David had known the second he’d walked into the booth that he definitely hadn’t done as good a job at hiding his feelings as he’d thought. 

David’s segment producer, Ronnie, had looked positively  _ gleeful _ . 

“So,  _ Cary _ ,” she’d drawled once he’d been mic'd up, “how has your day been?”

David flopped facedown onto his bed and groaned into his pillow.

This whole situation was just ridiculous. He’d known how difficult the competition was going to be - he knew enough queens who’d competed before to expect very specific hardships, and he’d done his best to prepare for them all. You’d think having his asshole ex competing with him would be enough of a trial to deal with, but  _ no _ . No, he also had to go and… and...

David sighed and rolled onto his back, forcing himself to properly think it.

_ He’d had to go and develop a crush on his makeover partner.  _

David had had many inconvenient crushes in the past. The thing is, he hadn’t had cameras recording his every facial expression ready to broadcast to the world those times. God knows how much of an idiot he was going to look when the episode aired. The over-the-top and laughable David Rose lusting after a business major with the most boring haircut the world has ever seen. He didn’t even know Patrick’s preferences for heaven’s sake - he’d overheard Gigi’s partner talking about his wife that afternoon, so it wasn’t as if they’d gone out of their way to find queer volunteers. 

Of course, just because the man was with a woman didn’t mean he wasn’t queer, as David well knew himself, so he shouldn’t make assumptions…

_ Urgh _ , in any case, David had no idea whether _ Patrick _ was even into men, and so he wasn’t going to read too much into Patrick’s flirty behaviour. If nothing else, the man was a born tease, and not to be taken seriously.

But that look on his face when he’d said “I’ll bet”, his eyes intense and his voice pitched so low, and the way he’d held onto David’s hand during practice and the way he’d pressed against his side on the runway…

_ Fuck _ . David had been fighting to keep his dick under control all afternoon (and had been mainly successful due to sheer willpower and anxiety) but alone in his hotel room with his mind full of Patrick, he found himself painfully hard in his skinny jeans. 

He hugged a pillow over his face and groaned into it. It felt so…  _ skeevy _ … to jerk off to thoughts of his makeover partner, who he would have to face mere hours from now and dress and paint and  _ tuck _ and okay this  _ was not helping _ . 

David threw the pillow aside and sat up, wincing. 

Right. He was going to have a shower. And if he indulged in a bit of  _ self-care _ while he was in there, then, well… it was like Ru always said. 

_ If you can’t love yourself _ … 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> We learn more about David's drag persona in the next chapter - let's just say Moira's wigs were involved.


End file.
